


I Should Go

by mrfreddyjones



Series: In a Flash it takes hold of my heart [1]
Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: AU, Angst, F/M, M/M, Spoilers for S01
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-23
Updated: 2015-10-23
Packaged: 2018-04-27 18:53:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 782
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5060080
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mrfreddyjones/pseuds/mrfreddyjones
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They’ve been spending so much time together, it’s hard for Barry to pin-point exactly when he developed feelings for the detective.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Should Go

**Author's Note:**

> First one in a series of one-shots.  
> Title from the song I Should Go, by Levi Kreis.

Neither of them knew quite how or when it had happened, but Barry Allen and Eddie Thawne had become friends. Not just friends, but _close_ friends. They had lunch with each other, they chased metahumans together, and they _talked_.

Eddie told him about his struggle with feeling _less than_ , about his fear that everybody would just realize he wasn’t _worth_ their time and walk away. Barry told him about the guilt he felt for not saving his mother when he had the chance, about his constant fear of not being fast enough. They shared inside jokes (like how they keep insisting the other is the sidekick, or how every time Iris gets called into work one of them will look at the other and growl about wanting pictures of Spider-Man).

They had movie marathons, and watched guilty pleasure TV together (powerful cop and manly dude Eddie is a fan of _ICarly_ , while Barry admits to be really into _Glee_ ). They watched normal TV, too, (Eddie introduces Barry to _Criminal Minds_ , and the speedster introduces the detective to _Doctor Who_ in return). They watched super-hero shows together, and laughed at how unrealistic they all seem to be (“That’s _not_ how Super Speed works!” Barry said one day, waving both arms frantically at the TV while Eddie laughed so hard his eyes were filled with tears. “Come on!”), and Eddie is even teaching Barry to enjoy sports. 

They’ve been spending so much time together, it’s hard for Barry to pin-point exactly when he developed feelings for the detective, but as soon as he became aware of them, everything changed. Because Barry liked Eddie, but Eddie was with Iris, and Barry wasn’t the kind of guy to fall in love with his best friend’s boyfriend – at least he never thought he’d be. He tried to do damage control, to avoid Eddie. That didn’t work out.

“What’s going on?” The blonde asked him one night, eyebrows furrowed.

“Nothing,” Barry lied, after a moment of staring into those deep blue eyes, filled with worry. He could drown on those.

“For someone with a secret identity, you’re a lousy liar” Eddie’s hands were on his waist now, his expression the same as before. Worry. “Did I do something? Did I make you uncomfortable?”

Barry winced. _Of course_ Eddie thought it was something he did. For someone who appeared to be so confident, Eddie was surprisingly insecure. “No, Eddie, you- You didn’t do anything wrong” he tried, making a visible effort _not_ to touch the other. “It’s just- I’m dealing with some stuff, and-”

“ _It’s not you, it’s me_ ” Eddie let out a humorless laugh, taking a step back. “That’s a classic.” He was visibly hurt, and the thought that he’d been the one to cause it broke Barry’s heart.

“No, Eddie, I-” he stepped forward, but he didn’t know what to say. What _could_ he say? _I’m in love with you. I’m in love with you and it’s insane – I shouldn’t_ be _in love with you, but I am. I shouldn’t notice the way you bite your lip when you’re stressed, or that little laugh you let out when you’re nervous. I shouldn’t watch you with Iris – with my_ best friend _– and wish you were with me. I shouldn’t think about you when I listen to my favorite song, or dream about you, but I do. You shouldn’t be the first person I think about when I’m out on the field and I think I’m going to die._

_But you are._

“It’s fine, Allen-” Eddie raises his hands, and they’re shaking just slightly. “I thought we were friends. I thought-”

He can’t help himself. Eddie is hurting and it’s his fault and he’s hurting and it’s _his_ fault and-

It takes less than a second for Barry to close the space between them, his hands on the sides of Eddie’s head, lips pressed together, and then he’s slow again, tongue sliding into Eddie’s mouth, pressing against Eddie’s own, warm and slick, and he doesn’t need superspeed to feel like the world has frozen. Eddie tastes like coffee and sugar, and love and happiness, but he also tastes like guilt and betrayal and _Iris_ , so Barry pulls back, and in a second he’s standing on the other side of the room.

“I shouldn’t have done that” he says, voice trembling, and Eddie finally understands, the worry on his eyes replaced with something else, and he does that thing with his fingers – that slight twitching Barry saw him do before, but never figured out what it meant. “I-”

He doesn’t finish the sentence. Can’t bring himself to do it. He trembles, and he runs.

One second. Lightning. And he’s gone.


End file.
